More than a Best Friend

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Freshman year, Spring semester, and I was taking a Sociology 101 course, to complete my credits for the year- As I’m sitting in the middle of the classroom, a guy walks right in.. all I can remember is realizing how tall he was, and how short I was. The semester went by, and we became acquainted, but not close friends. I remember thinking how annoying he was interrupting the class each lecture just so he could mess around. When midterms came around I found him lost, and not ready for the exam. Here, being the “Zeina” that I always am, I offered to help him study an hour before our midterm. He ended up getting a higher grade than me, and never let it go. As the years passed by, we stayed acquainted, but again not close friends. Little did I know that the guy who I quickly judged too fast and that I found to be so obnoxious and probably one of the biggest jerks attending AUB, would be the man who stole my heart away four years later.

Summer semester right before my Senior year, I found myself growing closer to him. We became very fond of each other. We sat every day in a coffee shop drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, and talking (of course this was before my attempt to quit :p).  He became a really good friend of mine that I found comfort and love in. As we got closer, we had these moments that couldn’t be explained. Something would happen that would confuse both of us, but we simply just started at each other or joked about it. I felt daily that I had this love towards him that was different than the rest of my friends. I cared for him in a way that I had never cared for anyone before.  I was always worried about him and I wanted him to be the best that he could be. Everything about him affected me and I just wanted him happy, as happy as I wanted someone in my family.

I still remember one day when he came up to me, a little buzzed, telling me that I’m the one he wanted to marry-that regardless of our past, and whom we are with now, WE were going to end up together (Keep in mind I was dating someone else at the time). I remember that moment was one of the happiest moments of my life, even though I knew there could be a huge possibility of him just messing around with me. I still wanted to believe it.

I wanted to be that girl for him. I wanted him to know how much I loved him, but I was scared. I was scared of rejection, I was scared of religion getting in the way, and I was scared of getting hurt. I still remember him telling me how he knew I wasn’t in love with my boyfriend and how I just was more in love with the idea than the guy I was dating himself. At the moment, he cracked me. He figured something out that I wasn’t even aware of. This moment right there released so many ideas in my head, and allowed my feelings to start showing. I wanted to block everything, but at the same time I couldn’t anymore. I was exploding on the inside, and I was sad. I wanted to share with him how I felt, but at the same time, I wanted to know what my feeling were towards him.

But why him? Why did I feel this towards him? The most messed up part is that I was also dating. How could a guy get in my head this much? How could I think about him on a 24/7 basis, and I be dating someone at the same time?

Shortly, towards the end of the semester, I realized that I couldn’t hold my feelings in anymore, and all this confusion was driving me insane. WhatsApp Image 2017-03-14 at 10.24.07 AM

It takes guts spilling your heart out, and not knowing what the other person will respond  or how they’ll react. At this moment this friendship was either going straight to the trash or things were going to work out. Telling him how I felt was probably one of the best, yet scariest decisions of my life. Even though calling him after finishing half a bottle of wine, wasn’t the most clever thing to do, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m so thankful, that I spilled my heart out to him on Christmas Eve. Even though things  got a bit awkward after telling him, it still felt right. Nothing with him ever felt wrong. Every decision that I make with him, or just the fact knowing that he’s standing next to me, feels right. Is it possible to have such strong feelings towards someone? Is it possible to love every single thing about him, even his flaws and imperfections.

In my eyes, he’s perfect. He’s mine. He flipped my world upside down. He brought me back to life (as cheesy as that sounds), and helped my personality grow. WhatsApp Image 2017-03-14 at 10.24.00 AMHe revealed the real version of me who had been in hiding for so long. For the first time in my life I had been fixed and healed, instead of trying to fix or help someone else. He got the real me, which is something not a lot of people see, and he became family, which is very important to me.

Having a best friends is one thing, but dating your best friend is a whole other level of happiness.
Dating your best friend allows you to grow, and to be yourself at the same time. I became the happiest woman alive, and all thanks to the joy that he puts in my life. He helps me grow and become a better person, as well as focus and start thinking of my future.  I was always so scared of the future, always wanting one, but I always felt pressured to have it. With him, it’s different. This is something I want. This is something I need, daily. Someone, whom I know that for the rest of my life, I never want to let go. I don’t know where the future will take us, but as long as he’s by my side, I think we will be okay.

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